This is a very important lesson that every parent will come to learn, but probably not before it's already too late. When you're pregnant with your first child the words "I will never..." become all too familiar. You will utter them to yourself when you see a 3-year-old having an epic meltdown in the Target checkout lane or when you are out to eat with a couple who is spoon-feeding their 4-month-old rice cereal (not even oatmeal cereal! don't they know that shit has no nutritional value?!). Well I'm going to do you a favor and tell you to knock it off because you will end up doing all the shit you said you'd never do.
A few of my "I will never's":
- "I will never bed-share." Yeah, that one didn't even make it out the hospital doors.
- "I will never start solids before 6 months (and when I do it will not be rice cereal)." Double fail.
- "I will never let my baby cry it out."
This last one has given me the hardest time. I posted when Bear was 3 months old about his horrific sleep patterns. Well he is almost 6 months old now and things have JUST started to improve (I'm seriously terrified that typing this sentence just now has completely jinxed me) and as much as I hate to admit it, letting him cry a bit has helped tremendously. Before you judge me (which I know you're already doing) read the rest of my post.
I've read 3 books on sleep. The first talked about how evil CIO is and how it leads to issues such as anxiety and depression later in life. Freaking awesome. So if I let my baby cry I might as well set aside a fund for all of the therapy he will need later in life. While I agree that letting a baby younger than 4 months cry is NOT a good idea, I do think that babies eventually learn to "manipulate" and their crying is not always indicative of their needing something (lots of times it is though, so I think it's important to learn to distinguish their different cries). I don't know how many times I've walked into Bear's room because he is crying and before I'm even next to the crib he spots me and is grinning from ear to ear. Stinker.
I can't really remember what all the second book said, so it was obviously really helpful. The third book talked about how to do CIO without doing flat out extinction crying, which is when you let your baby cry for however long it takes before they fall asleep. Instead you do check-ins at different intervals (5 minutes, 7 minutes, etc.) and try soothing baby back to sleep without picking him up. In theory this is a great idea for parents who, like me, could never handle full-out extinction crying. (I seriously side-eye parents who let their baby cry for an hour or longer without check-ins, but I won't get into that since this post is about NOT being judgey.) The issue I did have with this though is that my baby doesn't have a built in timer, so when I am supposed to wait 7 minutes and he starts crying hysterically at 2 minutes, that's 5 whole minutes that I have to let him cry hysterically (and by that time I'm usually crying too).
So I decided to take bits and pieces from each book and throw the rest out the window (not literally of course- that's called littering). I didn't want to let my baby cry but I also knew that I couldn't go much longer waking up every 2 hours at night. We all needed more sleep, including Bear, so when he turned 4.5 months I started implementing my own little CIO method based on what I had learned, Bear's reactions, and my own instincts. Here is a short run-down of what I do:
-When initially going down I usually nurse or rock him to sleep
-If he isn't hungry or fights me rocking him then I walk with him for a bit in his room (shades drawn, white noise on) until he is calm and then put him in his crib
-If he talks/whines I don't go in
-If he cries I will usually wait a couple minutes before going in to check on him, all the while listening to his cries and watching him on the video monitor to make sure he is okay
-If he becomes hysterical at ANY time I go in to try and soothe him without picking him up
-If that doesn't work and I can't calm him I pick him up and rock or nurse him
I tried this a couple times starting at 4.5 months and he became hysterical fairly quickly. I decided he wasn't ready. Shortly after 5 months I tried again and had a little bit more success. When he woke at night I didn't go in right away and for the first time ever he cried/whined for about 5 minutes and fell back to sleep. Halle-freaking-lujah. A couple weeks later I was struggling to get him down for a nap because he did not want me rocking him so I put him in his crib. He whined/cried on and off for about 7 minutes, fell asleep, and slept for AN HOUR AND A HALF!!
That was a couple weeks ago and since then it's only gotten better. For the past week Bear has gone to bed around 8pm, woken up once to eat between 1 and 3am, and then slept until 7am or later! Naps are still pretty short (30-45 minutes), but I can usually get him to fall asleep on his own for one nap a day (never in a million years did I think this was possible). Of course we still have our off days (and nights), but I think that's to be expected with an infant.
I should also add that we recently started solids (before 6 months?!), though I can't say whether or not it helps him sleep better. He only gets 2 tbsp. of sweet potato around 6:30pm, but that tiny bit does seem to keep him full a bit longer.
So there you have it. A really long explanation as to why you should never start a sentence "I will never..." Because you will. And then you will feel like a dumbass.
And of course, a recent picture of Bear:
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| Being awesome in his North Face jacket. |
