Update: Bear's MRI Results

I've been somewhat MIA because we spent last week in southern Indiana with M's family (more on that later) and things have been a bit crazy since we've been back. Bear did have his Quick Brain MRI done yesterday, which he was NOT happy about. His tiny baby earplugs fell out while he was in there and those machines are pretty loud, so I think it scared him. He also isn't a big fan of having his entire body and head strapped down to a board by strangers, but I can't say that I blame him. Luckily the whole procedure was over in about 4 minutes and he was no worse for the wear.

The doctor called later yesterday evening to tell us that Bear does NOT have hydrocephalus, which is when the ventricles in the brain are enlarged and filled with fluid. He does however have a small amount of fluid around the perimeter of his brain. This is common in babies with very large heads and will most likely never require surgery (yay!). He does have to go back monthly to measure head circumference and make sure he is on track developmentally (which he definitely is so far), but aside from that we just hope that the fluid disappears once his brain catches up to his big noggin:)

 My little trooper post-MRI. I had to cut the bottom of his onesie off because no metal is allowed in the room during the MRI.

Appointment with the Pediatric Neurologist

Bear's noggin has always been a little (okay, a lot) on the large side. It was in the 80th percentile at birth and has been in the 99th percentile since his 2 month appointment. It is most likely because M also has a giant head (and his dad and his dad's dad) but our pediatrician referred us to a pediatric neurologist just to be safe. He had his appointment yesterday and the neurologist does think that Bear might have a little bit of benign fluid in there because of the jump it made from birth to 2 months and because his fontanelle puffs out a bit. The good news is that developmentally he is right on track and reaching his milestones, so there is nothing else indicating that there is an issue. They asked us if we wanted to do a "quick brain MRI" where they don't sedate and it only takes a few minutes. I wanted to but M said we would wait and talk about it. My sister is a neurologist so I called her to see what she thought and she said she would go ahead and get the MRI for peace of mind if nothing else. We have a follow-up appointment in a month to remeasure head circumference and see where he is at but I knew I couldn't wait that long for the scan because I would drive myself crazy with worry by then. I just called to reschedule for an earlier date and they said they would call me back as soon as they put the order in for the quick brain MRI. I'm such a mix of emotions right now, I just feel like crying. Part of me thinks everything will be fine but the other part of me (the mom part?) can't help but worry.

Mother-effing Crib Transition and the Party Baby

My baby might just be the worst sleeper on the planet. Okay, maybe not. But that was definitely the thought crossing my mind at 3 a.m. when I was rocking Bear back to sleep for the SEVENTH time last night. See, now that he’s almost 3 months old we’re trying to get him out of the Fisher Price Rock 'N' Play Sleeper, aka The Baby Sleep Godsend, in our room and into the crib in his room.

Bear has never been a great (or even good) sleeper. He woke up from his 3 week newborn coma and has been a party baby ever since. We finally got him up to a 5.5 hour stretch at night, but that lasted a whopping 3 days before his sleep was back to shit. Since he’s been waking up so frequently, we figured we might as well transition him to his crib at night because we really have nothing to lose at this point.

Bear has been “napping” in his crib during the day for a few weeks now. I say “napping” because he never sleeps longer than 45 minutes... Never. I blame it on The Forty-five Minute Intruder. If you don’t know what (or who) The Forty-five Minute Intruder is then you are insanely lucky. He is a horrible, terrible, awful beast whose sole purpose in life is to disrupt your baby’s sleep and make you an incredibly pissed off parent. Unfortunately, The Intruder can only be seen and heard by babies so any hope of throat punching him is completely lost. Since he is completely invisible to grown adults I can’t say that I know exactly what he looks like but I imagine it’s something like this.

In all seriousness The Forty-five Minute Intruder refers to that oh-so-vulnerable time during a baby’s sleep cycle where they transition from deep sleep to light sleep. This usually happens between 30 minutes and an hour and lasts for about 10 minutes. During that time baby will easily awaken if uncomfortable. This can be due to hunger, a wet diaper, being too hot or too cold, having their head in an uncomfortable position, an itchy toe, a stray eyelash... you get the idea. Some experts say that there are different things you can do during this period to soothe baby so that they can pass through this transition without waking. To them I say, “Pffffft.” I have done everything possible the fight The Intruder both before sleep and during- swaddling, not swaddling, swaddling with one arm out, swaddling with both arms out, putting Bear on his side, putting Bear on his other side, elevating his crib mattress, placing rolled-up receiving blankets on each side of him so that he feels “hugged”, patting his butt, rubbing his belly, tickling his face, bribing him with candy, giving him money- none of it works! So nap time usually goes something like this:  I spend 30 minutes walking, rocking, bouncing, patting, and “shh”ing Bear to sleep, I put him in his crib, he sleeps for 5 to 45 minutes (lately closer to 5), he wakes up crying, I go in to try and soothe him back to sleep, I am unsuccessful at soothing him back to sleep, I repeat the whole process once more, I give up and throw him in the Beco Gemini, aka The Other Baby Sleep Godsend, and he passes out for an hour and a half.

Now, you may have heard of this mythical unicorn-like creature called “drowsy but awake”. Once baby reaches a certain age a lot of pediatricians and sleep experts will recommend putting your baby down in this state. In theory, it’s an excellent idea. See, people (and babies ARE people) wake up several times throughout the night due to our sleep cycles, we just don’t always realize it. When a baby is rocked to sleep in its mother’s arms and then later wakes up in a different environment, e.g. another room or a crib, its first thought is “Where the fuck am I and what the hell happened?”- kind of how you felt after that frat party in college where you drank a little too much jungle juice and woke up next to that guy everyone was calling “Pisser” the night before due to his notoriously wetting the bed after a few too many beers- scary, right? Then baby starts thinking “Where the eff is that warm, cozy person that rocked me to sleep ever so gently and why am I lying on this rock hard mattress in this cold, dark room by myself? This sucks.” You know what happens next? Yup. Baby is screaming its head off. In contrast, when you put baby down while he/she is still slightly awake they are thinking something along the lines of “I’m sooo sleepy... This isn’t so bad... I’m sooo sleepy,” and they drift off to baby slumber land. When they wake up (thanks Intruder) they think “Oh yeah, I’m in my crib (or wherever you put them down)... I’m still sooo sleepy... I guess I’ll go back to sleep.” Unfortunately my son is completely wise to this method of putting your baby to sleep because every time I am about to put him down “drowsy” his eyes fly open and he is no longer “drowsy”.  Boo.

So his naps are crap. Big whoop. I can deal with that. What I can’t deal with is him waking every 45 minutes to an hour every night when tossing him in the Beco isn’t an option. Again, I’ve pulled out all the same tricks I tried for nap time- none of it works. I’m tired.

I know what you’re thinking- “Why didn’t you just put him in his crib from the start so that you didn’t have this problem?” Well, when you are a new mom running on two hours of sleep you do a lot of stupid shit, okay? Bear also had some breathing issues in the beginning due to a dairy allergy that we have since resolved... and maybe I couldn’t stand the thought of my itty bitty little baby all the way across our (huge 1,000 sq. ft.) apartment in that big crib all by himself.

My bottom line is this: there are a hundred different techniques and methods you can use, but the fact of the matter is that some babies just don’t sleep as well as others. It has nothing to do with you as a parent. I don’t know how many times I’ve cried to M through sleep deprived tears “What am I doing wrong?!” Nothing. Bear just isn’t a good sleeper, but he WILL get there... eventually.

If you happen to have a party baby too, I feel for you. It’s not easy. In fact, it’s REALLY hard. We just have to remember that our babies are not terrible beings who are trying to kill us slowly through sleep deprivation, they are spirited little individuals. This phase will pass and become a hazy, laughable memory and before we know it they will be teenagers and we will need heavy machinery to get them out of bed. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

And no matter how bad the night, I know that I have this to look forward to in the morning:)